Change is not hard. Putting aside pride, on the other hand, is.
In my experience, we find it hard to accept there might be a better way to do something. We find it hard to accept that what we believe is wrong. We let pride get in the way of us seeing another, and perhaps better, way to do something.
Change is simply the process of taking a new belief and using it instead of an old one.
Time after time, I have found that my certainty about how best to do something is suddenly unfounded. This idea is true of all aspects of my life, be it how I manage relationships, my career, projects and even how I manage things I need to do, i.e. to-do lists.
I found that I hide behind the beliefs. I have found that when something isn't the way I want it, I stick to what I know even though I know it causes me other problems. I use the excuse of "change is hard" or "people don't change" or "you can't teach an old dog new tricks". This attitude simply gets in the way of me being the person I want to be. The simple fact of the matter is that what makes us humans vastly different than all the other creatures we share this planet with, is that we change. We find better ways of doing things all the time.
Along the way, I learned that the process of enabling this type of change is actually easier than I originally thought:
1) When I find myself disappointed with something I am doing or I perceive others are doing to me, I ask myself "What do I believe to be important about this?" I write these down.
2) Then for each thing I have written down, I ask myself "What is important about this belief? What does it give me? Where does it put me? Where is it used?" I then write these answers down too.
3) For each of the subsequent answers, I ask myself "What is important about this? What is the context of this? What am I assuming?".
4) If I am unsure, I check my memory for other times I have applied the same sort of logic and look for anything else related to assumptions and context.
5) One of two things typically happen next, either I find that I have borrowed this belief or I no longer value the reasons on which the belief was based.
In all cases, I either find a better way or find that I am now willing to search for one. Pride is still a stumbling block, but once I have clarified the reasons behind what I believe, I find it much easier to forgive myself and move on. Don't get me wrong, I don't have all the answers and I definitely haven't got it all right, but I am willing to look for better ways.
(Originally published in 2016 via LinkedIn)
You probably have a lot in common with those I coach. They aren’t strangers to expletives when facing day to day challenges. And, they are keen to not let life pass them by or wash over them.
They believe in freedom and democracy in a world that increasingly wants to judge them by characteristics rather than their character and behaviours.
They subscribe to the idea of bringing forward their individual strengths, rather than succumbing to the will of the herd.
Those drawn to my coaching, have a good bond with means and their careers are progressing well, however, they sense that there is more to do.
They recognise their support structures are not sufficient, and they take action to fix it.
As those I work with can testify, I approach coaching with a no B.S. and straight-forward style.
I engage with your perspective; challenge your thinking through non-judgemental observations and well-formed questions; and I help you stay accountable to your decisions.
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I am an accredited coach and author, specializing in supporting and challenging people across the globe from some of the biggest and well-known multinational companies.
Through all the hours of coaching and working with real people, with real challenges, it is clear to me that life is brutal, and it is not a walk in the park. Furthermore, there is only so much we can achieve or change in isolation. We need others. We need to be supported and we need to be challenged. Acceptance of these facts is key to learning, growing, and re-emerging stronger.
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