Borrowed Beliefs are beliefs that we adopt without question. We adopt them without understanding the assumptions and context on which they were formed. They obscure our options and therefore limit our choices. They can also become the basis on which we hide from our responsibilities.
As I started to understand this idea, I started to look at the beliefs I have around money, my career, my relationships and what I wanted to become. I found that some of the beliefs weren't mine. For example, I had a belief that career success meant securing and staying in a permanent and pensionable job. I borrowed that belief from my parent's generation. I now have a new belief focused on a career path that leverages my highest point of contribution, and that is more realistic given the economic climate and changes in how we employ and manage work.
We borrow beliefs from all sorts of places: our family, our peers, our work culture, our community and from of course media. They drive our behaviours around eating, fitness, health, parenting, socialising, working and all manner of things.
Beliefs are important, they are very important; they govern our behaviours and how we experience the world. To perform at our best we need to accept that some beliefs will serve us, some will not and some will be neutral. The key thing is that we just need to make sure the beliefs we have are our own, formed on our own values and strengths, and not borrowed from someone or somewhere else.
I have found that a borrowed belief can obscure the options I allow myself to see. It obscures options that may be aligned to my strengths and my value system because the borrowed belief is based on someone else's strengths and value system. By questioning the assumptions and context of a borrowed belief, I have found that I see other options which are more aligned to my value system and that also take advantage of what I do well.
As well as obscuring options, the danger I've found with borrowed beliefs is that they have a certain comfort. I found they have comfort because I can distance myself from the responsibility of the outcomes of the behaviours and experiences resulting from the belief. Somehow I found I could numb myself to the consequences of any associated actions. This has significant ramifications in all kinds of situations, from personal to professional.
A key turning point for me was learning to give borrowed beliefs back. Borrowed beliefs can be hard to find because their impact can be subtle. This is unlike the obvious beliefs that don’t serve us, i.e. those beliefs that result in behaviours that don't help us feel good about ourselves, build confidence, create enjoyment, create value and have a positive impact on the world around us. The process of uncovering borrowed beliefs involves building a deeper awareness of our strengths and values. We then use that awareness to question our behaviours and reactions. In doing so we uncover beliefs that are obscuring options and that are also providing the excuse to hide from the consequences of our actions.
Uncovering borrowed beliefs doesn't solve all our problems, but working from a set of beliefs that are our own does make it that little bit easier to become the person we want to be.
(Originally in 2015 via published via LinkedIn)
You probably have a lot in common with those I coach. They aren’t strangers to expletives when facing day to day challenges. And, they are keen to not let life pass them by or wash over them.
They believe in freedom and democracy in a world that increasingly wants to judge them by characteristics rather than their character and behaviours.
They subscribe to the idea of bringing forward their individual strengths, rather than succumbing to the will of the herd.
Those drawn to my coaching, have a good bond with means and their careers are progressing well, however, they sense that there is more to do.
They recognise their support structures are not sufficient, and they take action to fix it.
As those I work with can testify, I approach coaching with a no B.S. and straight-forward style.
I engage with your perspective; challenge your thinking through non-judgemental observations and well-formed questions; and I help you stay accountable to your decisions.
Coaching helps you bring focus to ...
This community is one of the primary places to access 1-to-1 coaching from me, Brad Allen.
I am an accredited coach and author, specializing in supporting and challenging people across the globe from some of the biggest and well-known multinational companies.
Through all the hours of coaching and working with real people, with real challenges, it is clear to me that life is brutal, and it is not a walk in the park. Furthermore, there is only so much we can achieve or change in isolation. We need others. We need to be supported and we need to be challenged. Acceptance of these facts is key to learning, growing, and re-emerging stronger.
I help others confront hard choices to act with integrity and re-emerge stronger. I do this through 1-to-1 coaching.
I deliver coaching through a subscription model. I have found this approach is the most effective and efficient method to help you think and act better, as well as keep you accountable. There are three subscription levels: Member, Supporter and ...
In this piece, I look at the why, what, and how of coaching. In doing that, I hold little back. I share the truth about the ugliness it fights and what is truly needed to make it work.
(read it at https://bradallencoach.locals.com/post/648782/the-anatomy-of-coaching )
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This is the Friday Check-In for 23rd April 2021.
Today's theme is... The good, the bad, and the right mindset
So, you now have to QR scan your movements, lockdown every so often, wear masks and front up periodically for boosters. It is just an adjustment of the trade-offs you have already made long ago. A necessary compromise in yourself to get what you need and want.
The compromises make up the walls, floor, and ceiling of the cage you made for yourself. This is the burden of choice.
You are juggling complex layers of conflicting wants, needs, and commitments. The conflict is a burden. Firstly, you must carry the weight of where you find yourself right now. This relates to the impact of your past choices. Secondly, you must carry the weight of the future. This relates to the burden of the choices you have before you now.
You will be reminded daily of the burden of the choices you made in the past (i.e., the aspects in your world that you should continue to nurture or maintain). The obvious example being the emotional and financial support relating to your loved ones. Another example would be...
"Achieving great things requires great people doing their best at what they do. In working with the oceans to develop blue growth strategies and fight climate change, we at Simply Blue Group recognize the value of great people and how important it is to create the conditions for them to be at their best. Our continued growth simply wouldn’t be possible without that.
With things opening up again, it was decided to bring everyone together for a working session. We had grown substantially since the start of 2020 and many of our valued people hadn’t met yet in person. We also had some key challenges to discuss as we aim to continue our exponential growth.
Our objectives for this two-day working session included building and strengthening bonds, and the co-creation of the structures that we need to bring Simply Blue Group forward. In honouring our values and commitment to our people, we recognised that bringing together our 45 strong team from the many corners of the globe was going to require...
Are you just discovering that you have been complicit in the unethical, dangerous or illegal activities of your employer or industry?
What you did or didn't do in the past is done. It is what you do in this moment that frames who you are.
Choose better! Choose authenticity instead!
This can be achieved by raising awareness of core values, the beliefs built on those values, and the resulting behaviours.
The path back to being your best self can be accelerated by working with a professional coach!
Confidentially is assured 😉
